Two and a half years down the road, and I’m still reminded of the cake at my wedding.

I absolutely hated that wedding cake! I don’t know how the organizers had it in their minds that this cake was even remotely presentable. If I had seen this cake when we went there to recce the place, I would’ve asked them to change it. Unfortunately, this horrible work of a cake was not; there was a different and a tad nicer cake on display. True, it’s only a fake cake but for crying out loud, they could’ve made a NICE fake cake, right? Now I understand why some people can spend a few thousand bucks just on their wedding cake, coz if left to chance, they could end up with something like this.

Each and every wedding I have attended since then has reminded me of this absolutely effing ugly wedding cake. If anyone believed in omens, this may serve as a bad one. Seriously, have you ever seen such an ugly cake???!!

I really do not understand how we can judge and complain so much about other people’s bad habits and yet we commit some of those I-hate-people-who-do-that acts ourselves.

Yes, of course I know none of us are perfect and we make mistakes sometimes, and it’s understandable. But generally, do we think before we act?

We hate it when people double park (and sometimes obstruct an entire lane), we hate it when people litter, we hate it when people block the crossroad when the traffic lights on their side turn red just because they’re in a rush to get over, we hate it when people beat the traffic lights, we hate it when people jump queue, we hate it when people don’t have the courtesy to give way to allow you to merge into another lane….. basically, we hate it when other people are so selfish and inconsiderate that they put their needs ahead of others and cause an inconvenience to others.

But really, do we even think about it when we ourselves double park or block traffic or jump queue? I admit, I do double park occasionally but only when the road is wide enough so that I don’t obstruct traffic. However, most of the time, I look for legal parking to avoid any trouble even for a less-than-5-min run down for an errand. Most paid parking allows a grace period of X no. of mins before they start charging so I usually get it free anyway And although I’d like to claim that I never beat the traffic lights, there are some who beg to differ so I’ll just admit that I did beat the traffic lights once due to lack of judgement. But I make sure I don’t repeat the behaviour in similar situations, for which I got a lecture when I did slow down for an amber light but that’s another story.

The point here is, before we judge and complain about other people’s bad habits, are we doing all we can to make sure that we ourselves don’t do them? Especially when some of us are supposedly more “spiritually aware” and “righteous” than others due to their strong faith and religious beliefs (because religions do preach such things like “do unto others as you would have them do to you” right?) If not, well, we are nothing but hypocrites.

(I don’t know about you but I know I do consciously think about my actions and its impact on others before making a decision to do something. Again, this does not make me a perfect person. It’s simply called “being considerate”.)

As the last of the tear gas settles and we all go back to our lives, Bersih lives up to its expectations again of uniting all Malaysians regardless of race, religion and gender in fighting for its call for free and fair elections.

There are plenty of personal accounts and videos of people witnessing countless acts of selflessness in the chaos that ensued at the end of the rally.

I wasn’t up front so I don’t know what happened, what triggered the riot police to fire rounds of tear gas and water cannons, although there are plenty of stories going around from different sides.

All I know was that everything was going smoothly and people were mingling and chatting with each other, it was like a carnival. So different from last year’s rally, where even wearing a YELLOW t-shirt could get one arrested. There wasn’t that fear nagging in your head that that cop over there is just waiting to cuff you.

So there we were, hanging around Jalan TAR, watching people, striking up a conversation here and there when suddenly we hear some pops at the front, near Dataran, and smoke circling upwards. Shit, they’ve started shooting tear gas, let’s go, Suresh and the hubs said.

People started rushing back but not in a total panic. Everyone was still aware of each other and made sure that anyone who had trouble, was assisted. People shared their packets of salt with total strangers. I saw at least 2 people who were unconscious being helped. I also saw one man with blood streaming from his head being assisted by another group of people. I suspect he got hit by a tear gas canister.

Anyway, long story short, the magnitude of people who attended Bersih 3.0 was way larger than any previous rally. Just the number of people who showed up, some from out of town, should be enough of a signal to the government to overhaul the election process.

There were the old, the young, the able-bodied and physically challenged. I saw a photo of 2 blind men with yellow cloth tied around their necks, with their hands on the shoulders of their sighted friend/stranger leading them through the crowd. That photo alone brought tears to my eyes.

Can you imagine how strongly they feel for the cause, for them to brave the potential tear gas and water cannons that might (and did) eventually come? I am so touched and blessed for the extent that some of my fellow citizens are wiling to go through to ensure that our country has a better future.

The violence was uncalled for. It could’ve ended without any incident. But unfortunately, there was violence. Tear gas and water cannons were not spared. Harmless and weaponless citizens were not spared.

To those who didn’t attend and say that we (those who attended) should’ve seen it coming and deserved it, shame on you. Shame on you for discrediting the effort that we took to try to make a change for YOUR CHILDREN’S future. Shame on you for complaining about the state of the country but not getting off your sorry @$$ to do anything about it when the opportunity arises. I try not to make judgments… I don’t think badly of those who don’t attend to fight for free and fair elections because everyone has their reasons to attend or not to attend. They can choose other means of spreading the message. But to mock us and say we deserved getting gassed, sprayed at with chemical-laced water, and getting beaten up by the cops? You get zero respect.

So anyway, I was very happy to be at Bersih 3.0, contributing to the numbers who have risen to voice our dissatisfaction with the current electoral process. I don’t know what will come out of this but I sincerely hope that this event is making “some people” very uncomfortable and at the verge of shitting bricks, and hopefully drive some long-awaited positive change.

Picture borrowed from Suresh. This was taken a while before the riot police started shooting their tear gas.

I could swear that there’s some sort of law of attraction (LOA) thing going on with me and people who have strong religious convictions. I seem to keep encountering them unintentionally and I would rather not, because these people cannot seem to accept the fact that other people may not have the same convictions and/or beliefs as they do and they judge you because of it.

I have no issue with people practising whatever faith it is that they believe in. Just because I don’t see religion the way that they do doesn’t mean I think they’re following something that’s wrong or that I would want to try to convince them to see things my way. But if you want to open up a discussion and extol the virtues of your religion, please be prepared to accept the fact that your recipient may disagree with your views and at the end of the day, both parties may need to agree to disagree, without you imposing your views on the other person.

If one were to ask me if I believed in God, I would say yes, I believe in a Higher Being. But that’s where I stop. I strongly believe that one’s faith, whatever it may be, is entirely personal and is between the person and his/her Maker, and really, why does it matter to you whether or not I believe in God?

Recently, this person (let’s call him Kenny) asked me if I believed in God. I say I believe in a Higher Being but I don’t subscribe to any religion because religion, as I see it today, is highly manipulated by man for his own selfish purposes. I don’t deny at all that religion in its true and original form is good and I believe that in essence, all religions preach about the same thing but no, I don’t wish to subscribe to any organized religion because I don’t like what I see, how religion is used to control people, and how it is used to manipulate people and situations. I also went on to express that all religious books have been written by man and the learned people who interpret them for mass folk are also, well, man.

This Kenny person rebutted by saying that religious manuscripts have been proven to be the same from thousands of years back until now so how can I dispute the authenticity of religious text. Thing is, yes, the religious text may be in the same state that they were, but people will choose to interpret the text based on how it would benefit them. Not everyone maybe, but I’ve observed quite a bit of it. For example, I attended a wedding service and the leader was preaching that God made man to be stronger than the strongest animal, gave man the ability to dive deeper than any sea animal… and I’m sitting there thinking, “What kind of bullcrap is this?!” and people were actually listening intently! Ok, sure, God may have given man the brains to build something to make him stronger and dive deeper but that’s it. I was thoroughly disgusted, and I couldn’t wait for the service to end when I could leave.

But Kenny continued to argue that there are certain things in religious text where it leaves little or no room for misinterpretation but I said, the mind is very strong. When it wants to “see” certain things a certain way, it will.

For me, as long as I try my best not to knowingly harm others, I think I’m doing good. Kenny went on to question me how I defined “good” and remarked that how I define good may not be good for others. He gave me an example of how me sitting there (this was in the office) might be harming others. I really didn’t follow his reasoning.

It’s not rocket science to know what is good and what is not. Don’t kill, don’t steal, don’t have ill intentions towards others, amongst others… common sense, no? Of course, we’re not perfect and we slip up here and there, but as long as we try our utmost best to follow these common sense rules and learn from our mistakes, I think it works.

And who are you to question me on what/how I define good? Earlier in the day, Kenny was relating his past work experience where he shared that he’s usually the one who would rebel against any compliance measures within his organization and there was a non-compliance incident that was serious enough where his US-based company had sent in an FBI agent to investigate. He and his managers plotted and cooked up some story and they got off with it. They left the company shortly thereafter and someone new came in to take their roles. However, the incident cropped up some time later and this person was made a scapegoat to take the rap and eventually made to leave the company. All the while relating this story, nothing about Kenny’s manner told me that he was repentant about it. In fact, he sounded proud of it.

Seriously Kenny, not only did you lie to save your sorry @$$, your lies got someone else in trouble, resulting in the person losing her job, and you don’t sound at all remorseful about what you did, and you dare preach to me what’s good and what’s not?! Whatever respect I had for him vanished right then.

See, that’s the problem I have with people who make such a big show of piety and being God-fearing. They make such a big show of it but at the end of the day, a lot of them are hypocrites walking down the street or driving on the roads. You would think that because they are so religiously aware and spiritually awakened, they would behave “better” than us mere mortals. But in all honesty, I have seen that some of these people are even worse than atheists. And the more they try to preach to me the virtues of their religion, the more disgusted, repulsed, and turned off I feel. I am not singling out any specific religion; I have observed the same pattern/trend across different religions. (On another note, why do people fear God? I was told many times that God is loving and all, so why fear Him? Why fear someone who loves you? Why do something just because you fear God’s wrath? Why not do something from the kindness and goodness of your heart instead of doing it because you fear being punished by God or something like that? Wouldn’t He prefer that you do it sincerely from the goodness of your heart rather than just because you fear Him?)

Another account of people who open up the discussion on religion but cannot handle opposing views. Over the New Year, my parents got together with the hubs’ extended family to celebrate the occasion. One of the uncles decided to start a conversation with my dad on his religion. My dad started giving his opposing views and I could see the uncle’s face visibly change, he looked offended even. I was thinking silently, “Yay Dad!” Like I said at the beginning of this post, if you choose to discuss about religion, be prepared to accept opposing views. Getting offended or upset just shows how self-absorbed you are, as if others cannot have a differing view. Having a differing view on religion is vastly different from, say, having an opinion about clean, free and fair elections in a country. For example, currently there’s the Bersih movement here (made up of civil society) calling for reforms to ensure clean, free and fair elections because facts and figures have surfaced on how ‘dirty’ the current electoral role is and how biased the mainstream media is, to name a few of the glaring irregularities. So naturally, I would like to think that every sane person would support this movement because why would anyone NOT want to support clean, free and fair elections? However, there are some people who still choose not to register as voters (citing a million and one excuses) and there are some people who give a blanket statement that “I will make my voice heard at the ballot box”. Seriously, when you think about it, if the current electoral process is unfair and unclean, do you think your vote is going to be of value? It’s not rocket science, mainly just common sense. Comparatively, religion is more subjective and perhaps not as direct and straightforward, hence the differing views.

Let me put it another way. Does my belief (or lack of) in God have an effect in your life? Does it harm you if I do or don’t believe in God? Do you feel like that world will come to an end if I don’t believe in God? However, if you choose not to support clean, free and fair elections, will it affect anyone? Yes, it WILL affect a lot of lives because it means one less voice towards effecting a change to correct our severely flawed system, which will lead to the same corrupted people getting into office and implementing policies that will benefit only a select group of individuals, sidelining the rest of the people. THIS will impact a lot of lives; hence the need for people to collectively stand together to push for reforms.

Mich was suggesting to me that the next time someone talks religion to me, I should just say I believe in God but I do not wish to discuss the topic. But that’s not true. I’m quite open to discuss about religion because that’s one way of learning. I just cannot stomach it when people try to impose their religious beliefs on me and expect me to swallow every single word they say and get offended/upset when I say while I respect their views, I disagree with them. Another thing that irks me is that once they figure out that I’m not buying what they’re saying, they will switch to a condescending mode where their faces will say “Poor lost soul”. Please, spare me your pity. You may think I’m a hopeless cause doomed for hell but at the end of the day, I know that each good deed that I do, I do from the goodness and pureness of my heart, and not because I’m getting merit points or because I fear something bad will come my way. Most of all, I cannot stand some of them who make such a big show of their piety but do not practice what they preach. THAT is the ultimate sin, in my opinion.

That said, again, I have no issue with people practising their respective religions. It really is none of my business what religious views you hold, as long as they don’t bring harm to others. I respect your religious beliefs and I sincerely hope that you respect my beliefs (whatever they may be) as well and not try to impose your views on me.

I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again now and in the future.

I can’t act to save my life.

This year’s Sutra Odissi production consists of 2 abhinaya or expression works for my group. Technically, it’s not as challenging as some other works I’ve done but it’s 100 times more challenging for me because it involves portraying different expressions (read : love, flirtatiousness, fear, longing) in scenes around the Hindu God Krishna. Portraying expressions, to me, is a form of acting.

Give me a technically challenging piece of work anytime over an abhinaya piece! I know I’m supposed to challenge myself and do something in which I’m weakest but honestly, I think I totally suck And it’s not doing too well for my confidence because I think I’m not up to par and not doing my best.

Another event involving acting occurred this morning, when I “happily” volunteered to shoot a short segment for an internal production at work. I thought I was going to answer a few questions and I’d be done. But my overachiever colleague decided to create 4 scenarios for us to “act” out, just so that we’d be different from the other people. I adamantly refused to act and in the end, we were thrown questions which we answered like in a conversation. I didn’t completely get away with the acting bit because my dear colleague badgered the production guy to shoot 1 of the 4 scenes she created.

Damn. If there ever was a day I’d need to act to save a life, I don’t know how I’d pull it off

Real men will think nothing of walking their female friends to their cars at the end of a late night out. They don’t even have to think about it; it comes naturally to them.

Which makes me wonder how some men were brought up, if they can come up with stupid excuses of getting out of it.

It always starts with the small things.

I’m glad to say that all my guy friends are real men.

I must’ve had some really bad experience in my previous life or something, but I really abhor seeing people drunk or drinking themselves silly.

From as far back as I can recall, I remember that I’d get anxious when I come across drunk people and try to steer clear of them because I feel that they have a higher tendency to get violent, talk really loud and offensively, and worst of all, puke their guts out. I admit, I have a phobia of vomiting (emetophobia), either myself or others.

So I can’t for the life of me, ever understand why people consume alcohol until they’re pissed drunk and why people would ever want to get another person drunk.

For the drinker, I think it’s selfish, stupid and disgusting because just for your few hours of fun, others will have to pick up after your mess, and it’s totally shameful because you’d just end up making a fool of yourself. For the people who enjoy getting other people drunk, I think it’s selfish, irresponsible and potentially dangerous due to oh so many factors. All for what? A couple hours of seeing someone being high and making a fool of him/herself? I guess the best part for them is that they don’t have to deal with the mess that takes place after they go home.

So yeah, call me a prude if you wish but I have minimal level of respect for these people. Grow up already! I don’t care if it only happens once a year or once in ten effing years.

How is it that some men have no problems stepping in when the situation warrants for it but others don’t seem to have the balls/guts to do the same?

Disappointed doesn’t even begin to describe the feeling when it happens more than once.

Why do I minimize eating meat (seafood included)?
Simple. Because I do not wish for another living being to be killed just to fill my stomach. And I also wish to reduce my carbon footprint by changing my diet preferences. Yes, Vegetables are living things too, and if I could live without eating anything, I would.

Unfortunately, I can’t. So I choose to eat the lesser of 2 evils.

Growing plants does not increase carbon emissions. In fact, based on what limited knowledge I remember from Science class in school, plants help clean our air and supply us with oxygen. Plants do not emit waste that clog our waterways and pollute our water systems. On the other hand, rearing livestock for human consumption is the highest contributor to carbon emissions and the grain used to feed these livestock can be used to feed the hungry in third world nations instead.

And don’t even get me started on the junk they feed/inject livestock with for them to grow faster with less feed.

Commercial fishing is depleting our oceans faster than they can replenish and fishing activities result in a lot of ‘collateral damage’ i.e. other ocean species being killed in the process of catching your tuna and other types of fish. Seabeds are being damaged from trawling activities to catch your prawns and other sea creatures.

So yes, this is why I choose to reduce my meat (and seafood) consumption.
I choose to stick with my veggies over meat any day, any time.

Why do I spend the extra effort and money to search for and purchase natural/organic products?
Simple. Because I do not wish to put synthetic chemicals in by body and because it is less polluting to the environment. For as long as I can afford it, I am willing to pay extra and spend the effort to get natural/organic products.

When you shower, do you ever wonder where your shampoo and soap/shower gel residue flow to? Do you wonder what chemicals you’re washing your body with? When you wash your dishes after a meal, do you wonder where your dishwashing liquid flows to? When you spray aerosol to get rid of mosquitoes, who breathes in the air containing aerosol particles? When you apply lipstick or foundation or body lotion, do you wonder what chemicals are getting absorbed into your skin (and ultimately into your body)?

I don’t claim to be a completely environmentally-friendly person. Because I’m not. I still drive my fully fuel-powered car everyday. I still use plastic (although bio-degrabable ones).

I try to make changes in small ways. Use less toilet paper each time I use the toilet, use the hand dryer instead of paper towels to dry my hands (I learnt that using the hand dryer uses a bit less energy than it would take to produce paper towels). Refuse plastic bags and use my reusable bags instead when buying things. Buy things in bulk (i.e. larger packaging) as opposed to those that come in small convenient packaging, which adds up to more thrash that we throw away at the end of the day.

If anyone faults me for trying to do the best for myself and the world I live in through my choices above, they should instead reflect on themselves and what they are doing to contribute to making the world a better place. I always maintain that taking care of ourselves and the planet we live in is not a choice. It’s a responsibility. And it’s a responsibility that we should gladly and willingly step up to, because we’re dealing with our own health and our home. Coz heck, isn’t it just common sense to want to take care of one’s health and home? To me, that’s simple enough to understand and want to do something about it.

Some people must sleep with all windows and doors shut, and curtains drawn to shut out all noise and light from the streets.

Myself, I actually enjoy having the windows open and curtains not drawn. I enjoy hearing the sound of the night… not total silence but just a type of silence where I know most of the world around me is asleep but there are a few souls out there still awake, driving their cars or working on their machines.

And the shadows playing on the ceiling and walls of my bedroom, cast from the streetlamps outside, give me a sense of peace and tranquility as I fall into a deep sleep.

*zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz*